man, i am getting real tired of crazy! (n/t) (exodus) (17:20:47 07/06/10 est)
i just found out google thinks my neighborhood is called "adams". that's very flattering, but no. it's just ballard, north of market. (n/t) (popasmear) (06:56:25 07/04/10 est)
aw, google's sweet on you. (n/t) (exodus) (22:58:07 07/04/10 est)
man, when i searched for "windshield repair near ballard, seattle" a few days ago, it pretty much mapped me every single glass-related business, whether or not it had anything to do with windshields or even cars. they were, at least, near ballard, but from your report, it appears that google may not be aware of the definitive guide to seattle neighborhoods, namely this gif i found somewhere on the internet years ago. (paleface) (04:21:20 07/05/10 est)
just officiated my first wedding. kind of terrifying. new line of work? (n/t) (popasmear) (03:51:14 06/27/10 est)
i gots no job now. i'm pretty busy this week, but who wants to play x-box and shit in the middle of the day starting next week? joel? mathew? i'm looking at you guys. (n/t) (popasmear) (22:12:23 06/22/10 est)
i wasn't joking when i said tose nade kid icarus. they did. it's crazy. (n/t) (popasmear) (18:26:17 06/20/10 est)
i think i believe in chemistry between people. (exodus) (16:04:51 06/07/10 est)
i got about an hour's sleep last night and am now high on a large mocha, so that makes it creative writing sunday! ~~~~~~ we've all experienced it at some point in our lives: that fart (is there a more polite noun specifically for "fart"? "flatulence" is just "the state or quality of being flatulent"--maybe there really is no "polite" way to talk about an actual fart? or maybe i should just have gotten more sleep) that surprises you out of your daily hum-drum by ending with more liquid gurgle than gaseous hiss. you clench your butt-cheeks together and try to sit as lightly as possible, hoping that if there is some leakage there, its syrupy surface tension will hold it in place, separated by mere millimeters of dark, warm, smelly space from your dainty white underthings, until you can make a break for a bathroom in which to examine it with clinical fascination. you do so, possibly having thought of it in pseudo-poetical terms in your otherwise single-minded beeline through traffic, only to find its existence, like so many other half-whispered secrets, illusory: by some poorly documented trick of science, gas has masqueraded as a liquid. would that be a plasma? ~~~~~ ~~~~~ the gnat bats around my face and bathroom sink-neighboring wall, teasingly. taking up a square of toilet paper, i hope it will stay still on its seemingly randomly chosen wall perch long enough for me to squish it like the mighty primeval hunter i am; it does not, and with some sense of relief from killer's remorse i watch its lazy escape: taunting me, it meanders about, lingering tantalizingly over likely looking spots on the wall and mirror only to continue on to the next fascinating invisible spot in space over the faucet. it flickers out of my attention to god knows where as i contemplate the forlorn pinched tissue and the opportunity the aerial perambulator has eschewed as so much crap performance art: the chance to go out nobly crushed by what to it must be at least a house-sized mass prepared specifically for its demise by a creature hundreds of thousands of times its weight--the kind of death afforded to super-heroes, in our parlance. oh fickle gnat, you could have been the silver surfer to my celestial.~~~~~ (n/t) (paleface) (20:08:51 05/30/10 est)
's called a shart. (n/t) (c bub) (00:12:18 06/01/10 est)
seriously, are you writing about my life? last week i was peeing at a urinal and started farting. stopped halfway as it felt like there was some liquid mixed in the gas. had to finish my #1 and then clench-walked to a stall to clean up. luckily i had stopped in time to prevent an underwear casualty. also last week, my office was beset by ants. as you had described, it was quite a rush to obliterate the helpless invaders with my godly finger of death. press & twist, press & twist, click & drag, click & drag. (n/t) (yoodaa) (17:07:20 06/01/10 est)
yeah man, that's the worst. i always have tissue in my bag, not because of that, but because i usually forget it if i have a cold, so i pack it in there when i can remember. that helps! (n/t) (exodus) (22:51:43 06/01/10 est)
man, i hate when i've been at home for like an hour or something before i realize that the smell i've been smelling is some dog shit on my shoe that's been there for who knows how long. and how much did i track through the house? mystery. dogs love to poop! (n/t) (exodus) (13:10:13 05/19/10 est)
yep, i can hear the guy who lives next door to me farting. damn. (n/t) (sweater fish deluxe) (19:08:39 05/13/10 est)
ironman 2 was fun there were actually two iron men which is probably why it was called iron man 2. wouldnt it be nice if it was just called iron men? that would sum up the movie better. also my whole house was remodeled, but the new toilet they gave still has a little platform where the poo falls before you flush it. now im torn, i love looking at it before it goes, studying its shape and smell, but on the other hand i hate how long the smell stays. but the real reason why i post this is because i had no idea they still made these toilets! i thought it was an old dutch habit making these things, like a long forgotten art form. seems some oldies just keep on forcing these upon me. (n/t) (mental) (06:58:24 05/08/10 est)
thong, the fish is ready (n/t) (substance j) (20:35:05 04/20/10 est)
why do i keep having to add names to my enemies list ;_; (n/t) (aerisdead) (14:03:01 04/17/10 est)
korean propoganda :( (n/t) (zero) (13:57:23 04/09/10 est)
today i noticed a little spider in an empty yogurt container i'd put on the counter and filled with water to soak the dried yogurt bits off. he was floating on the surface motionless, so i figured he was dead. but then as i was washing dishes i noticed him moving around out of the corner of my eye. darn, this would complicate the spider disposal. i looked over a few minutes later and he was motionless, about an inch underwater. it seemed unlikely that he'd committed suicide during that time, so i kept watching, and saw that he'd squirm around for a second every minute or so. i think he was scraping air bubbles off his hairs and ingesting them; i could see a large-ish one on his back. he was just hanging out down there like a deep sea diver. in wonder if he was doing that because it felt safer--like, it would be a little harder for birds to spot him, maybe, if he was outside instead of in my kitchen. he stayed pretty much motionless when i jostled the container. then i poured him down the sink. (n/t) (paleface) (01:48:51 04/08/10 est)
oh man! i love spiders. i've learned they're really useful in your house, because i had to replace a wardrobe and i turned it upside down to break it up and i found two spiders, one at each side of the unit. they had both built intricate webs, and within the webs i could see lots of wrapped up dead bugs the kind that like to live in the cracks of my parquet floor, like little beetle things and weevils. the two spiders were doing really well, i assume they were probably mother and daughter or something like that, with enough space between them underneath the wardrobe that they didn't kill each other. anyway, i assume they were why i never saw those bugs around, even though i used to see them every once in a while. unfortunately, i had to take those spiders outside, hopefully they're living well somewhere else. in general though if i find one wandering around lost i take them outside gently. (n/t) (aerisdead) (12:15:53 04/08/10 est)
some spiders dive into those plants with the water traps to dig out drowned bugs. they keep an air bubble attached and reel themselves back out with a line of web. pretty crafty little bastards. (n/t) (c bub) (19:57:49 04/11/10 est)
bah! he tried so hard to live, but you killed him :\ (n/t) (exodus) (13:23:12 04/12/10 est)
does everyone get the chills as they're about to finish urinating or is that just me? i guess it doesn't happen every time, but it happens most of the time. (n/t) (exodus) (23:07:27 03/29/10 est)
paleface should enable images on this forum. (comic-kaze) (21:22:12 03/26/10 est)
rgtw (jjffi) (08:22:59 03/09/10 est)
this hotel is pretty swanky. big rooms, some sort of jacuzzi thing that i don't know how to use, and pillows that aren't made from phone books. freaking truffles on a plate at the entryway. this does not happen to me often...i'm not very good at exploiting amenities. (n/t) (exodus) (03:32:01 03/09/10 est)
personal triumph: i did a stand-up performance last night. and it went great. it was at an experimental artsy night, but i'd be interested to change it slightly and try it in a traditional stand-up setting. would be more difficult but it might work. it was a twelve-minute story about narcissistic romance in the age of web 2.0, basically. ah, i'm still on that buzz! w00t! (n/t) (mr. ashe) (02:24:28 02/27/10 est)
someone's listening to aerosmith really loudly next door. that seems pretty extremely lame to me. i don't know how someone could have not heard that enough times that they no longer wish to listen to it. (n/t) (exodus) (17:01:31 02/07/10 est)
i had a crazy fever last night! now i don't as much! fevers are pretty dumb! (n/t) (exodus) (17:29:44 02/03/10 est)
did you know: i am sleepy. (n/t) (exodus) (01:30:57 02/01/10 est)
mathew: i feel like maybe there is some tension left between us vis a vis squirrels. i know that my stance seems harsh, but the squirrels in my neighborhood are really awful animals. they shit all over my deck, and destroy plants. if they were eating the plants, i could kind of understand it, but they're not. they just rip them up and throw them on the ground, and dig out their roots. why do squirrels hate strawberry plants so much? it's fucked up. (n/t) (popasmear) (20:20:18 01/25/10 est)
i think aerisdead is my current favorite sngp person. (n/t) (substance j) (17:40:38 01/25/10 est)
i was a bit mean to some girls tonight, not on purpose, just because i was in a mood. i was talking to my friend on what became a bit of a dance floor in a bar, but wasn't before. and these girls came up and said "why aren't you dancing?" said one. because i don't feel like it, i said. "if you're going to stand in the middle there you've got to dance!" said the other. so i said - i'll move then. and i did. they felt slighted then and hung out for about 10 seconds and then went somewhere else, and then i went back to talk to my friend again. afterward i felt a bit bad about making them feel awkward after obviously trying to induce me to dance, but i mean come on. if a guy's just standing there talking to his friend, that's obviously what he wants to do, right? (n/t) (exodus) (04:45:14 01/23/10 est)
