| paleface [sys=PS2; cat=Adventure; loc=NA] |
|Oh wow. Oh wow. This is such a bad game.|
Now, I actually kind of like the original arcade run-and-gun NARC (see entry 692). This is not that game; not a bit. It wants to be a sort of Grand Theft Auto, only from the "cop" side of things, and without the driving bits.
The intro cinematics actually look quite sharp. You can see the money on the screen! Bling bling! It goes straight downhill from there.
You're plunged into a prolonged tutorial sequence during which you have to, apparently, run around and handcuff some people, only you have to sort of arm-wrestle with them first before you can cuff 'em. Then, you can beat them to death. This doesn't seem to lower your "reputation" score in the least.
Now, I didn't want to beat people to death. But the game forced me. Y'see, I picked up the controller at about the part in the tutorial where they're supposed to teach you how to shoot a gun. Out pops this gun into my hands. Then I'm told that I have to go up to some guy and, like, disarm him with Triangle, and do something else with Square, or something. The buttons seem to pop out of nowhere. So, okay, I go up to him, and I try those buttons. But with the gun in my hands, I can't do whatever it is I'm supposed to be doing to subdue him. I can pistol-whip him to the ground, but then he gets back up, and wants to arm-wrestle some more, zombie-like. I. Can't. Put. The. Gun. Down. Now, I'm probably just stupid, but I swear I pushed every button on the controller.
I haven't seen animations this poorly executed in a commercial game in...quite a while. Cops tend to have their hats clipping into the side of their head as they talk to you. Also, while talking, they loop a four or five second "wave my hands in circular motion to talk" animation, between whose loops they pop their hands back to their waists. Yes, they didn't even get a simple looping talk animation to loop right. When you handcuff somebody, the cuffs are actually floating an inch or so behind their hands. Get up! I didn't really cuff you!
Midway tried to appeal to gangster-rap-loving hipsters by having their digital actors drop the "F bomb" at every opportunity--and then some. I don't mind swearing in itself, but clumsy swearing gets so, so aggravating. Just stop trying to be hard. It is making you look stupid.
Aside from the intro cinematic, Midway splurged on voice acting, bringing in a bevy of Hollywood B-list actors, to fairly good effect--except that the script sucks, so it doesn't really matter how good the voice acting is. The licensed hip-hop or whatever music is pretty good, too, as far as games of this sort go, except that they loop a single track over and over throughout an entire stage.