In the days of my youth, I thought we would all die of cancer, so I developed an understanding of self that I thought would make those experiences easier. I see now that I had it all wrong. It is the slow loss of the very self that I thought could carry us through cancer that will actually kill us.

Carcassonne IS great.
---
[ Post Followup ] [ Return to the Forum ]

Posted by Never Mind and Opa Opa on November 21, 2023 at 18:30:26 EST.

In the days of my youth, I thought we would all die of cancer, so I developed an understanding of self that I thought would make those experiences easier. I see now that I had it all wrong. It is the slow loss of the very self that I thought could carry us through cancer that will actually kill us.

n/t

Well, as long as it something. That's what matters.

(SignOfErnestBecker)

(01:22:10 11/22/23 EST)

So tell me more. But keep in mind that this is about death as a process, not an event. He not busy being born is busy dying. Also, that yours is not the only death you have to live through. I don't really think it's about immortality or escaping from death. It's about containing it as a part of yourself and the impossibility if that when your self is hollowed out. Or do I have it wrong again?

(Life and Life Only (and Opa Opa))

(14:23:35 11/23/23 EST)

If I lost myself I would simply go find him, he can't get that far.

(exodus)

(15:55:59 11/22/23 EST)

I don't believe that you really think that. Life isn't even worth the living if you don't let yourself wander far. You know that.

Maybe what you think is that your self could never really wander out of your control, which is exactly the understanding of self that I was talking about. But the more I experience dying, the less that seems to be the case. Long may you live to believe it, though.

(Alma Borracha and Opa Opa)

(14:16:23 11/23/23 EST)

It's not that I don't wander, but my core goes along for the ride. I guess what I mean is my core self, the person that's been in here since I was probably 7 or 8 years old, sticks around no matter the situation I'm in. Though I have of course evolved over time to accept more parts of the world, and more of other people's experiences, my sense of self remains pretty strong.

Sometimes I don't feel like myself, but that tends to be either physical or "altered state" (illness, stress, tiredness) related. But even in those scenarios I know what "myself" feels like, and can eventually return to it. But maybe things would be different if I were cut off from the capacity to define myself. A friend of mine had a stroke, and his sense of self got a bit scattered as a result, and I'm not sure how I'd deal with that.

(exodus)

(18:36:02 11/23/23 EST)

I guess it sounds from your original post like part of your self definition was defined by an inevitable death of a certain kind, though that surprises me a bit. I tend to deal with death when it happens in its time but not spend a lot of time preparing for it, because that's just not really what I value. I guess if I were faced with it directly (terminal illness etc) I'd have to spend a lot of my time on that, and I hope that's not the scenario you're facing - but until that day I don't want to define myself by the end so much as the present, of course.

(exodus)

(18:39:39 11/23/23 EST)

Wake me up if you catch me falling
Gently into the night
Shine up my shoes 'cause I can't get used
To the dying of the light

(SignOfChumbawamba)

(11:20:20 12/05/23 EST)

I was going to write something halfway intelligent but I realized I would just end up badly paraphrasing the last part of the manga Ten (天天和通りの快男児) so…read all 18 volumes of a mahjong comic to know my thoughts and get back with me, I guess. There’s no point in a survival that requires death of self, that story ends in a state like that.

(SignOfZeta)

(11:28:11 12/05/23 EST)

what disappointed me was that I knew my true self better in my youth, but I didn't believe in myself and let myself down.

(a-star)

(20:47:11 04/30/24 EST)

Post a Followup

[ Return to the Forum ]